The Ascendancy of Captain Ron

Truth and facts are in the eye of the beholder; since you are not here, you shall not know the truth ….

Ron joined his old friend Captain Steve in San Diego for a short cruise. City Slicker from Richmond, BC, Ron had little experience with boating; this was soon to change … Rumor is Ron’s a close relative of Bob Newhart.

Ha-ha-er’s are a friendly group and when Ron was asked what kind of boat he was on, he succinctly replied: a white one (very deft). When pressed, Ron further elaborated that Seahorse V has two telephone poles which made it better than those single pole boats. When asked about the ketch, he said no, he had not caught any fish.

Sailing south with the storms, Ron picked up the intricacies of boat handling. Those white things that hang on the poles are sheets and there are ropes all over the place for whatever one wants to do with them.

With his dedication to the helm he is often guiding us down the coast. “Where are we Captain Ron?” “We are at the little boat figure on the TV over the steering thingy!!!” “When will we get there Captain Ron? “In two days of hard sailing, argh”


Ever safety conscious, he wears his red life jacket with distinction, especially when there are five to a dingy. “I didn’t realize Baja was a complete waste land; lack of civilization; quite a bit different from downtown Richmond; what the hell were these people thinking?”

“Captain Ron, Captain Ron, we are coming into Bahia Santa Maria at 0300 in the dark and we are scared; what shall we do?” Captain Ron reached deep into his sea experience and relieves us all when he says: “We will turn the pointy end of the floating thing toward the boat that is playing the loudest music or has good looking women out in the yard; at that point we will drop the thing on the bow that rattles so much chain; when the boat stops, we can party.” Sure enough, as the people came out to worship the sun, the boat next door to Seahorse V had two women on the bow, one in a bikini. Such is the complete grasp of seafaring by Captain Ron. “It is difficult to make the boat go to the location of the loudest music when it is coming off of Seahorse V.”

In spite of Captain Ron’s detailed seafaring knowledge he is still open to new learning. Betty, politely, corrected Captain Ron that those red rope thingies on the yard were periwinkle. Now Captain Ron commands the back yard and watches the periwinkles abound. Four letter words are often used by seasoned mariners. Such is the breadth of Captain Ron’s new found vocabulary that he must show a little deference to social norms upon his return to Richmond IT. Four letter salty words must be expunged in polite society. Never again to be uttered are: boat, sail, wind, wave, etc. Argh becomes Arrgh to be five letters and Politically Correct.

Captain Ron is an expert in swordsmanship; a tuna or Dorado does not have a chance should they be caught in our “non-existent fishing line.” First the tuna challenged him; when the combat ended there were tuna fillets for days. Captain Ron, in review of the victory at hand said “Get that &$@# hook out of the water before we catch another one.” I think this makes Captain Ron an environmentalist, but of course we knew that about him already.

Ron is reserved and gracious, when he drinks, he prefers beer; he is Canadian … ehh. A run to the store in Turtle Bay for essentials; a look in Ron’s bag … full of beer. Americans provision a boat with fuel and food; Canadians provision beer, more beer, enough beer (more), then fuel and something to eat. We Americans have a lot to learn.

As Ron soared to new heights and insights, Captain Steve elevated Ron to Captain. After all, if we get sideways with the authorities, someone will have to go to jail … Hear! Hear! for Captain Ron.